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Kidnapped on Holiday
"Kidnapped on Holiday" is the second episode of the second series of Sweet Sow, and the sixth overall. Summary While on vacation in Rome with her daughter Peppa, Mummy Pig seeks for an Uber driver to hire, so she can get to a hotel. However, on the way there, she and Peppa get kidnapped by Jimmy Savile, and they are sent to Genelova, Krockia. There, they are trapped inside a shed where they are "enlightened" by Jimmy, Fofão, and Marvey Harvey. How will they escape? Script (Peppa Pig and Mummy Pig are walking from an airport in Rome.) Peppa: When is our Uber driver gonna arrive? Mummy Pig: (singing) Marmalade, made from ripe oranges. (Then the hitchhiker appears, singing and is wearing a Willy Wonka outfit.) Hitchhiker: (singing) Sweet dreams are made of- Mummy Pig: (singing) Marmalade, made from- Peppa: When is our fucking Uber driver coming? Mummy Pig: I don't know, it could come in an hour. Hitchhiker: You're talking about me? (A car appears next to the hitchhiker.) Mummy Pig: Of course not, dumbass. Hitchhiker: Bye, bye. (disappears) (All of a sudden, the driver of the car appears on top of it.) Driver: Uber per un giro? Mummy Pig: Shit. I forgot that they speak Italian in Italy. Driver: Uber, auto. Entra. (clicks) Peppa: Please speak English. Driver: Uber, car. Inside. Mummy Pig: I WILL FUCKING CRACK YOUR SKU- (Peppa, Mummy Pig, and the driver are teleported inside of the car.) Driver: Where to go? Mummy Pig: To the cheapest hotel in all of Rome. Driver: She she, hotel? Mummy Pig: Sure, why not? Driver: Quasi-car? (The driver starts to shake his hand rapidly, causing it to catch on fire. Then he starts to drive at a high speed.) Mummy Pig: OH SHIT! Not too fucking fast. Driver: Alta velocità per un servizio migliore. Mummy Pig: Jimmy. Savile. Jimmy: (offscreen) Hey-ya! Peppa: No more pedophiles on our show, please. (Suddenly, the car stops and Jimmy pops up in front of it.) Jimmy: Surprise! Mummy Pig: Blast off, bitch! Jimmy: Not too fast. (Jimmy steps inside the car.) Mummy Pig: Jimmy? I missed you. Jimmy: I miss you too, Pamela. But... (Jimmy starts to tie up Mummy Pig.) Mummy Pig: (singing) Marmalade, made from ripe oranges. Growing in sunshine where- wait, what are you doing to me? Peppa: Why is mummy tied up? Jimmy: We're going on a date. Peppa: Oh. You're a white Bill Cosby. (Jimmy starts to tie up Peppa.) Peppa: I'm just stating the facts. Voice: (offscreen) Hey, hey, hey! Peppa: Bitch. Jimmy: Hey, hey, hey! (grunts) It's Jimmy Savile on Top Of The Pops. Except... (Jimmy pulls his face off, turns out he was actually Rupert Murdoch in disguise.) Rupert Murdoch: Wanna go out for a ride, kids? Mummy Pig: Bitch, I ain't no kid. I'm Fat Albert. Peppa: Say "bitch" again, and I can't take it anymore. Mummy Pig: Hell no, bitch! (Mummy Pig transforms into Fat Albert.) Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey. It's Fat Albert. Peppa: Fuck this. (Peppa transforms into Peppa Panther.) Peppa Panther: Roar, I'm a pussy cat. (The car transforms into a sleigh.) Fat Albert: I wanna junk-junk-junk the local junkyard. Rupert Murdoch: Not for now, kids. We're going for a trip to... Fat Albert: North Philadelphia, so I can junk-junk the junkyard with more junk. Rupert Murdoch: No, we're going to the Eulvaltus Dragon Park. Fat Albert: Sounds interesting. Where the fuck is Dan Schneider? Dan: (offscreen) I am. Fat Albert: Oh. Where's Bill Cosby? I wanted to visit him in Olimu. (Bill Cosby appears beside the sleigh.) Bill: I'm innocent, not guilty. Driver: (offscreen) La mia auto! Chi l'ha rovinato? Rupert Murdoch: Me? Peppa Panther: Yes, for creating a very offensive article. Rupert Murdoch: That's bullshit. We're visiting the dragon park, NOW! (Murdoch starts to ride the sleigh up into the sky.) Peppa Panther: Oh shit! (Peppa transforms back into her original form. Soon, the sleigh lands near a shed in Genelova. At this point, Fat Albert has transformed back into Mummy Pig.) Rupert Murdoch: We're here! Peppa: Where is Marvey? Rupert Murdoch: Don't worry, he's coming here. Peppa: Oh. Florence from The Magic Roundabout. Mummy Pig: What's this? Rupert Murdoch: The dragon park, obviously. Come inside it for a special surprise. (Murdoch ducks down, so he is hidden. Nothing happens for five seconds.) Mummy Pig: Another chills gone by. (Peppa Pig and Mummy Pig are teleported inside the shed, which is dark.) Mummy Pig: The hell? I can't see anything! (Suddenly, Jimmy Savile (who has turned back from Murdoch) appears and the lights are turned on.) Jimmy: Surprise! Mummy Pig: Please untie me, or you're fucking dead. Jimmy: Not right now. First, get ready for... (Fofão appears next to Jimmy.) Fofão: Hello, my name is Fofào. Peppa: Eek! Too scary. Fofão: I'm not scary, you are. Emily Elephant is too, and we also have her tied up in a knot! (Emily Elephant appears next to Peppa, tied up.) Emily Elephant: Please save me from these monsters. Jimmy: Not yet. That's only when you discover the secret of me. Emily Elephant: Fine, but may I please eat something. It's been three hours since my last snack. (Jimmy starts dancing like an idiot.) Jimmy: Oogey boogey man, oogey boogey man. Oogey boogey man, oogey boogey man. (Fofão starts dancing with Jimmy.) Jimmy and Fofão: Oogey boogey man, oogey boogey man. Oogey boogey... Mummy Pig: STOP! Jimmy and Fofão: Oogey boogey man. Oogey... Mummy Pig: PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT! I JUST WANNA GET A HOTEL ROOM! IS IT THAT HARD? (Jimmy and Fofão stop dancing.) Fofão: Got-tow-slept, little boys. Jimmy: We must, Marvey Harvey. (Smoke starts to come from the ceiling.) Fofão: Marvey Harvey is now afoot. Jimmy: He shall return! (They continue to dance.) Jimmy and Fofão: Oogey boogey man, oogey boogey... Mummy Pig: FUCK!! I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT! Marvey: (offscreen) Ho... (Jimmy and Fofão stop dancing.) Jimmy: Oh, great! He's coming down for us. (Marvey floats down knto the shed.) Marvey: Ho... Fofão: (singing) We're playing a tune and we're singing a song... Marvey: Marvey Harvey, Harvey Marvey. My sons, you must sleep. Jimmy: Harvey Weinstein, Bob Weinstein, Jimmy Savile. Marvey: Sleep. Jimmy: I will, but only if I combine three of them. Marvey: (singing) We are the champions, my friends. Jimmy: (singing) AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING, TIL THE END! Peppa: Shoot me. Voice: (offscreen) Poland is supreme. Peppa: That doesn't have anything to do with this situation. Shoot me now. Voice: (offscreen) My son, Mateusz... Marvey: Carbi-ay. (Mateusz appears next to Emily, also tied up.) Mateusz: Hmm, where am I? Jimmy: You are being enlightened, Mateusz. Mateusz: Oh. Hmm... Peppa: Please don't talk like that ever again. I'm fucking sick of it. (pause) Mateusz: Hmm... (Suddenly, Mateusz disappears.) Emily Elephant: Why did Mateusz disappear? Marvey: Mateusz is a principle of fantasy, and cannot exist within reality. Emily Elephant: What's happening to me? Marvey: Your spirit has come. Be free, Evilmoth. Emily Elephant: Who's that? Marvey: Answers. Emily Elephant: What? (Emily slowly morphs into Evilmoth.) Evilmoth: Bitch. Peppa: This is a children's show, slut. (Evilmoth rips off his ears.) Evilmoth: It's time. (Evilmoth starts to grow hair on his body.) Jimmy: Violet, you're turning violet! (Miss Rabbit suddenly appears and starts to grow tall.) Miss Rabbit: Blueberries. Jimmy: Here he comes. (Evilmoth becomes a weremoth as he rips his clothes.) Peppa: Come and bite me, bitch! (Evilmoth bites Peppa on the arm.) Peppa: Hairy porter time. Voice: (offscreen) A-ha? Peppa: Please make the moon full. Marvey: Josef Malik. Peppa: Who? Marvey: The dragon of the park. Peppa: Oh-ay. (Marvey starts to grow.) Marvey: Now I must go. Jimmy: What? Please stay! Marvey: I must obtain the Scripted Sculpt. It's a long, treacherous journey. I might not make it, so if I die, goodbye. Jimmy: But Marvey, you still have to assist me on showing my slaves light. If you weren't around, it wouldn't be complete. (As he grows, Marvey breaks the roof of the shed.) Marvey: I have to bring the surrealism to them. I will be vaporized if I don't. My good son, Rootie Kazootie will assist. Goodbye. Jimmy: Oh. See you soon, Marvey. Fofão: He got what boot? Marvey: Hold. (Marvey stops growing.) Peppa: BOOM BOOM SALLY, BITCH! (Marvey explodes, causing the shed and Fofão to catch on fire.) Fofão: You'll pay for this, Marvey! (Fofão melts into ashes.) Peppa: I feel like a... BLUEBERRY! (Peppa's skin starts to turn blue.) Jimmy: Hey, hey, hey! Rupert Murdoch. (Jimmy pulls his face off, revealing himself as Murdoch.) Rupert Murdoch: Violet, you're turning violet, Violet! Mummy Pig: YOU MONSTER! YOU JUST POSED AS JIMMY JUST TO KIDNAP ME! I'M ANGRY AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY! Rupert Murdoch: Sorry, but Jimmy was actually a costume all along. Mummy Pig: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? (Mummy Pig starts to inflate.) Rupert Murdoch: Violet? Violet, you're violet! Mummy Pig: That stupid son of a bitch! Voice: (offscreen) A-ha? (Peppa starts inflating.) Peppa: THE SCRIPTED SCULPT MUSTN'T BE DESTROYED! Mummy Pig: Wow. What's that? (Somehow, Mummy Pig's shoes jump out of her feet. Suddenly, Murdoch pulls off his face, revealing himself as Dan Schneider.) Dan: FEET! Mummy Pig: Fuck. I thought you died during the previous episode. Dan: I'm the real Dan Schneider. The one who died was an imposter. Mummy Pig: Impossible. Dan: I'm becoming this big blue fatty. By the way. (starts to inflate) Mummy Pig: If your shoes pop off, I'll fucking kill you. Dan: They're glued on to me. Mummy Pig: They better be. (The moon begins to become full.) Peppa: The moon's getting full now. I think I'm gonna- Miss Rabbit: Bitch, bite me. (Miss Rabbit melts, revealing the Uber driver from before.) Peppa: Mr. Wolf's Pizza Shop is a rip-off. Mummy Pig: Peppa? Peppa: Dan Schneider's feet are huge! Mummy Pig: Oh shit! (Dan's shoes come off.) Dan: My feet have slipped out. Mummy Pig: Time for you to die, bitch! Voice: (offscreen) A-ha? Mummy Pig: No, not you. (Josef Malik starts flying into the shed. Josef is a dragon with the head of an 18-year-old boy.) Peppa: Dine-saw, rawr! Josef: A-ha? Peppa: Who? Josef: A-ha? Mummy Pig: Fuck you. Voice: (offscreen) Bestiality is illegal in Olimu. Mummy Pig: That's not what I meant. Voice: (offscreen) Oh. (Josef crashes into the shed, breaking it.) Dan: My... MY SHED! That damn dragon destroyed it! Mummy Pig: Bitch, you deserved that because of your big ass feet. Dan: I think I'm gonna. (Dan pops into Charles Manson.) Peppa: Hey, didn't you die last year? Charles Manson: Yes, but I was resurrected by Marvey Harvey before his death. I don't remember how, though. Peppa: Oh-ay. Charles Manson: I have a surprise for you, anywa- Marvey: (offscreen) Son. Peppa: Mateusz is dead. Marvey: (offscreen) One of my thousand sons. Peppa: That's bullshit! Marvey: No, my daughter. Sleep. Peppa: I am not your daughter. (Marvey's head appears beside Charles Manson's shoulder.) Charles Manson: Marvey? What do you want from me? Marvey: Give up your life to time. Charles Manson: I'd rather stay dead, as I didn't ask for my resurrection. Marvey: One minute. Charles Manson: One minute until what? Marvey: Death. You were resurrected so you could fight for your life, but you have to take it away in a minute. Charles Manson: May I be gone with the wind now? Marvey: Shall not yet. Charles Manson: I must disappear and go with the wind. Marvey: The ritual of the moon. Charles Manson: Oh, I forgot for a long time. (Marvey disappears.) Voice: (offscreen) Rootie Kazootie. (Peppa is seen levitating.) Peppa: Bitch, I was possessed by Captain Doody this whole time. Driver: Acquista ora, solo su Uber. Peppa: Your mother sucks cocks in Hell. Driver: NOOOOOOOOO!! (melts) Peppa: You mustn't forget to invite- Voice: (offscreen) Rootie Kazootie. (Rootie Kazootie appears, with the head of Rupert Murdoch beside him.) Rootie Kazootie: The spirit of Howdy Doody has merged with you. Peppa: The fuck? (Peppa morphs into 1950s NBC.) 1950s NBC: Hey, hey hey! You must go with the wind. Charles Manson: Me? (Jigsaw rises from the bottom-right corner of the video.) Jigsaw: Surprise, mothaf*ggot! 1950s NBC: Ugh, no homophobic slurs. Jigsaw: Sorry, I thought no one would get offended. Oh, and by the way... (Jigsaw takes off his mask, revealing himself as Robert Raccoon.) Robert Raccoon: Give me the head of Percy Pig IV, so we can have some fun together. 1950s NBC: Please no sexual innuendos, as children might be watching our show. Robert Raccoon: I don't care. This show is supposed to be for adults, anyway. 1950s NBC: Really? Then prove it. Robert Raccoon: Alright. Here I go. (Robert makes Rupert Murdoch's head explode.) 1950s NBC: Oh, the most still lives are the most humble. (Robert Raccoon becomes vaporized, as Charles Manson walks toward 1950s NBC slowly.) 1950s NBC: The following program is brought to you in living color. Charles Manson: There's no such program. It's time for you to encounter your worst nightmare. 1950s NBC: Can we be friends? Charles Manson: Did you not hear what I've told you? (Charles Manson weilds a knife.) Marvey: (offscreen) Tonight is your time is up. Charles Manson: Oh shi- (disappears) 1950s NBC: Mummy? Mummy Pig: Yes, love? 1950s NBC: I wanna morph into a panther. Voice: (offscreen) You already have the ability to do that. 1950s NBC: Oh. (1950s NBC transforms into Peppa Panther.) Peppa Panther: Jim'll fixed it for me when I was a little girl. Mummy Pig: Charlton Heston is still alive and is a shapeshifting reptilian. Dan: (offscreen) Whole? Mummy Pig: He quote-unquote "died" a decade ago, but that's bullshit. I found him shapeshifting into Uncle Jesse from Full House, not the one from the Dukes of Hazard. Peppa: Who? Mummy Pig: I forgot, to be honest. Voice: (offscreen) Charlton Heston. Mummy Pig: Now I remember. Voices: (offscreen) WE! Peppa: Are? Voices: (offscreen) VEGAN! (Peta Pig appears behind Peppa.) Peta Pig: Hello Peppa, we have met again. Please kill The Barnum Gang for me. Peppa: Why? Peta Pig: They were once part of a circus, and circuses encourage animal abuse. Peppa: That's a dumb claim. Their circus didn't even have animals in it. Peta Pig: You're thinking of it all wrong. Lion tamers who work at circuses torture their lions by- (Suddenly, Josef Malik breathes fire onto Peta.) Peppa: Good riddance. Mummy Pig: (in Daddy Pig's voice) Peppa? It's time to go. Peppa: Thank goodness. I'm tired of living in this shithole. Marvey: (offscreen) What about our plan? Peppa: What plan? Marvey: The ritual of the moon. Peppa: Hell naw! I ain't doing that. Marvey: Do it now, or face the fate of life. Peppa: Fine. What should I do first? Marvey: Take it up. Peppa: What do you mean? Chris-Chan: (offscreen) JULAAAY!! Peppa: No. I just wanna relax. Marvey: We shall not. Peppa: Fuck you, Marvey. Marvey: My dear child, you mustn't use that kind of language. Chris-Chan: (offscreen) JULAAY! Peppa: For the last time, I am not your child! Marvey: You are, my dear child. Peppa: You know what? Marvey: What shall you say, dear child? Peppa: Please get the fuck out and leave me alone. Marvey: Ho... Chris-Chan: (offscreen) JULAAAY!! JULAAAY! Mummy Pig: Jimmy Savile was a pedophile? Marvey: Yes, but I have to go. Mummy Pig: Don't go. Marvey: Sorry, but I must continue my adventure to find the Scripted Sculpt. But first, I shall light up for you. Mummy Pig: No. I'm the one who's leaving. Marvey: Lo and behold. (Suddenly, lightning strikes Mummy Pig.) Mummy Pig: (deep voice) See you in Hell, Marvey. (Mummy Pig explodes to pieces.) Peppa: Why? I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU MARVEY! YOU GOD DAMN CUNT! Marvey: Wah! (shrinks) Peppa: You think I'm joking? I'm gonna do it. I'm really gonna do it. Marvey: Peppa, before I take away my life, you shall follow me into the darkness. Peppa: Okay. Hopefully I won't die. Marvey: No, my child. The death lies within the entrance to the darkness. Peppa: I will, my lovely father. Oh shit! Why did I talk like you? Marvey: The power. Peppa: Of what? Marvey: My powers are being drained into you. Come to me for you will die. Peppa: Hell naw! Life puts the boom boom into my heart. Marvey: Nonetheless, you shall come anyway. The clock is about to strike. Peppa: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. (Peppa flies out of the shed, breaking the roof.) Marvey: Come, come. (Suddenly, Peppa flies into a large clock in the sky, and gets trapped inside it.) Peppa: Fuck! Get me out of here! Marvey: Tick tock, tick tock. Category:Sweet Sow episodes Category:Fanon